Miss (Mr) Congeniality
by up.to.no.good
Summary: Hogwarts is holding a beauty pagenant, and Snape blackmails James and Sirius to enter, who in turn blackmail Lily. A tale that has friendship, and loyalty, true bravery in the face of make up and dresses and preppy batton twirling girls... MWPP, L/J
1. Of Meetings and Blackmail

****

Miss (Mr) Congeniality

By: Lily Potter and WolfieGrl

Disclamier: We don't own.. please don't sue.. although if JK Rowling wants to share James with us, we wouldn't mind. ;)

Rating: PG13 Language and adult themes.

Author's Note: As a reaction to all the really grotty stories that are being published right now, we (to see who exactly we are see our profile) have decided to grace the world with a really good one. One that has everything within it.. romance, laughter, the bashing of shitty evil characters, but most of all.. It has friendship, and loyalty, and like all true Gryffindors, bravery in the face of make up and dresses and preppy baton twirling girls. (Even if it is loyalty to a rat!) 

And...better yet...it has secrets, drunkenness, and rowdy good times. How can you pass a story this good up?

------------------------------

James Potter gripped the small piece of parchment in his hand. His knuckles turning white. Next to him, Remus Lupin walked slowly, carefully trying not to step on Sirius Black's overly large feet. Sirius, the tallest sixth year yet, walked hunched over so that their legs wouldn't be exposed. 

It was a rather complicated task, to fit three teenage boys under one invisibility cloak, and brining rather chubby Peter along would have been nothing but a suicide mission. As the said rat was unable to walk without stepping on someone's feet, which would send the entire group in a cascade down some unfortunate stair, or into a tapestry.

Remus Lupin grinned to himself, remembering the last time they had went marauding under the invisibility cloak with Peter along. Even in rat form, he had managed to fall out of James' pocket at the sight of Ms Norris, the caretaker's cat, and forced the rest of the Marauders to chase after the two down three corridors, one secret tunnel, and a rather nasty run in within the girl's bathroom.

James on the other hand, was furious with himself. He had promised Peter, promised Peter's parents that he would take care of him, and now the Slimy Slytherin, aka, Snape, had taken it upon his slimy self to make that promise impossible. James sighted, and repeated the words written on the parchment to himself yet again.

__

Potter, 

Heard your little friend likes his bath, and his ducks, and his little toy boat… I have photographic evidence. Meet me at the trophy room at midnight, bring the wolf and the moron as well… 

SS

James closed his eyes for a second trying to calm down. When the other boys had read the parchment over James' shoulder at breakfast, Sirius had immediately turned homicidal and threatened beheading, while Remus growled to himself and then had to count to a hundred to calm himself down. 

Luckily Peter hadn't been there and hadn't seen the parchment, or the rather discriminating 3D hovergram that had appeared out of the green inked lettering. And if James had anything to do with it, Peter wasn't going to find out. With all the teasing that Peter got from the Slytherins, he didn't need more to worry about.

In a barely audible whisper, James muttered "He on his way?"

With already trained precision, Remus pulled out the Marauder's Map, and searched for Severus Snape. They found him making his way from the Slytherin common room… 

James grinned for the first time that night…

"We got here before him! Padfoot and I can position ourselves against the wall.." he muttered..

"And Moony can be under the cloak, waiting by the door, if ambush is necessary." Sirius added. 

"Great.. sure.. I get to tackle the Slytherin, while you two get to stand there and look surprised.." Remus said in mock anger.

"What are friends for?" James grinned as him and Sirius got out from under the cloak…

Seconds later, a ruffled and gasping Severus Snape ran into the trophy room, barely missing Remus by a inch…

He looked at James then at Sirius and then his eyes traveled around the room. "Where.. is...the...werewolf?" he asked, his eyes moving from corner to corner, from shadow to shadow.

James took firm hold of Sirius' robes; so that he could hold him back if Sirius tried to tackle Snape. Or that Sirius could make sure that James joined the fight from the start, by dragging him along. James wasn't entirely sure.

"He has a date." Sirius said.. 

"Not that you would know how that feels." James added,

Snape glared at the other two teens.. "Gloat all you want… well…actually don't…I wanted to show you something." At that, he pulled out an envelope and handed it to Sirius.

Never taking his eyes off of Snape, Sirius opened the envelope. The images inside didn't shock or surprise either of the boys. Peter Pettigrew, completely naked, half emerged in water, his pudgy hands playing with two small rubber ducks, and a toy boat.

As early as third year, the Marauder's found out about Peter's special bath time. Where he would sit in the bath for hours, playing with little floating toys. They never understood why he did it, but even Sirius had never mentioned it before in front of Peter.

"Fake!" James stated, his best poker face in place…

"Oh no, these are legitimate…" Snape said, and waved his wand. In front of the other two boys, another hovergram appeared, showing the negatives as they were. A red box had settled around every print. The red box that meant it was a Connor Camera, which of course meant that the images could not be tampered with…

James waved his hand through the hovergram, to make it disappear… then with a flick of his own want, the photographs disappeared as well…

"You know that I can make many, many more." Snape gloated.

"What do you want?" Sirius asked through clenched teeth.

"You know the Miss Hogwarts pageant?" Snape said, sneering at the other two boys.

"You want us to sabotage it? Want Narcissa to win?" Sirius asked. 

He enjoyed the expression on Snape's face at the mention of Narcissa, the way the Slytherin's eyes widened, the way he battled for control over his emotions.

"Narcissa isn't entering." Snape said.

"So sabotage it is then?" James asked.

"No." Snape said, then at the confusion seen on James' face he added. "I want you to enter."

There was no movement within the room for the next second. Sirius stared at Snape, glaring daggers through his eyes. James however, simply said "No!"

"Then I get these mailed to every student, attached to all the bulletins, enlarged and painted on every free wall, magically woven into every tapestry…"

"Fine! Fine.." Oddly enough, it was both the boys that agreed. Sirius shaking with rage.

"Wait though. Will they _let_ us enter? I'm not gonna fight with the teachers for something I _don't want_ to do!" James said.

"Yeah. If they don't let us do it. We won't. And you still have to burn the photos." Sirius added…

"Look, I'll be nice.." Snape muttered, but Sirius interrupted him with a snort.

"I'll let u perform the _timus selectus degrima_ on them, so that they will burn on the last day of the pageant. The negatives as well. And you don't have to do enter if you're not allowed." Snape added.

James wondered at the change of heart all of a sudden, but then it hit him. "Who gets to make up the questions and the tasks?" He asked.

"Well of course, Narcissa, the one in charge." He sneered at them and with a swish of his cloak, turned around and left. 

The room was filled with complete silence, not a heartbeat could be heard. That is, until Remus pulled of the invisibility cloak and burst into laughter, while James and Sirius stared daggers at him.

"Beauty pageant!!!" He howled.

It took no less than three silencing charms from James to shut him up.

TBC

A review a day will keep us (and the doctor) away!!! 


	2. Of CommonRoom Chats

Miss (Mr.) Congeniality   
Authors: Wolfiegrl and Lily_Potter   
Disclaimer: We don't own…don't sue…but we wouldn't mind if JKR shared James with us. ;)   
After though to the disclaimer: Or Sirius, or Remus, We aren't **that** picky….

  


****

Chapter 2   


It was past one am, and Gryffindor common room was deserted. Scattered among the furniture were leftover chess pieces, from Sirius and Peter's game on Friday. A couple of thorn up pink posters announcing the Miss Hogwarts pageant, and several squashed sweets that had previously resided in Peter's lolly bag.

The fire silently cacked, sending a red glow towards every surface. Lily Evans, red hair pooled around her face, tucked the blanket further around herself and buried her head into the armrest of the couch. She never discovered what exactly it was that compelled her to sleep in the common room half they year, but once tucked in, in front of the fire, her eyes would close and all traces of insomnia would disappear…

Having finished a hectic week, Lily simply yearned for a night of sleep, and the common room was finally empty. 

She drowsily closed her eyes and yawned, not hearing the portrait of the Fat Lady swing open. She however, did hear the unmistakable voice of James Potter.

  
"This is bad, really, really bad," said the above mentioned Quidditch Captain, pulling off the invisibility cloak and sitting down hard in one of the Gryffindor common room's chairs.   
  
"Thank you, Mr. Potter for the understatement of the century…" Said his best friend, Sirius, standing up with a groan. "I have cramps all in my back from bending over that long…"   
  
Remus gestured wildly for a moment, flinging his arms in every direction, yet when his friends looked quizzically at him, he sat down with an annoyed look on his face.   
  
"What? Oh, right…silencing charms…sorry Remus, those can't be taken off, they have to wear off…here, you can contribute to the conversation by writing on this… wonderful… fabulous… piece of parchment," Said Sirius magnanimously, setting the parchment down with a flourish. Remus glared at him for a moment, then grabbed a quill.   
  
"Right," said James, "Now, you know that we can't tell Peter a word of this, he's bothered enough by the Slytherins, but this…this is worse."   
  
"You know…it makes me wonder about Snape…if he's sneaking into a bathroom to take pictures…what WAS he doing in there anyway…" Said Sirius, who seemed to be delighted by this new possibility.   
  
"One blackmail at a time, Sirius, and right now ours is the main problem." Said James, pulling him back from fantasies of getting pictures of Snape in pale pink dresses.   
  
Remus scribbled something on the parchment. What do we tell Peter?   
  
"We don't." Said James firmly. "Let him come to his own conclusions. We don't tell him anything about it until we're sure that we're in this pageant…"   
  
"Pageant? You three?" Lily finally couldn't hold it any more, so she looked up to find very three frustrated teenage boys.   
  
"Us two, actually," At the sound of an intruding voice, James jumped out of his chair, and prepared himself for all out war.   
  
"All right, which one? The moron or Remus?" He shouldn't have bothered, as Lily usually didn't posses a threat, and simply seemed much to tired for any kind of fighting; verbal or physical.  
  
"Funny, that's the exact same word that Snape used on Sirius," said James, looking thoughtfully at the said Sirius.   
  
"Well, it does come to mind when you look at him," said Lily, flopping into a chair. "However, Snape never was the most creative. Freakish moron is better…"   
  
"Thank you, Lily, I'm quite well, actually. How are you?" said Sirius, staring into the fire.   
  
"Well, usually guys aren't allowed into pageants, if it makes you feel any better," said Lily.   
  
"We know. But Snape has ins with Narsissa, which makes our problem worse." Said Sirius, standing up for no reason at all, and flopping back down again. "So our main problem is…well…we have several. What do you think our main problem is, Prongs?"   
  
"Well, Peter can't find out about this, and we just happen to be entering a beauty pageant. Any other main problems, Moony?"   
  
Remus glared yet again, then thought for a moment -his lips stuck in a mock pout as he scribbled a barely eligible, What are you going to wear?   
  
He had to duck two swinging arms and a pair of overly large feet, and three fluffy cushions to escape safely to the boy's dormitory.   


  
Questions? Comments? Sudden urges to send us money? Anything?   
  



	3. Of Sunrise

Miss (Mr.) Congeniality   
Authors: Wolfiegrl and Lily_Potter   
Disclaimer: We don't own...don't sue...but we wouldn't mind if JKR shared James with us. ;)   
After though to the disclaimer: Or Sirius, or Remus, We aren't **that picky....**

Wolfie's Note: This has to be my favourite chapter so far. I loved writing Snape, as I had never gotten a chance to do so before. Both Lily and I thought that he is too complex a character to be without an attachment, and Naricssa seemed the obvious choice, as we both feel that the Lily/Snape stories were getting incredibly cliché and overused.

  
  


**Chapter 3  
  
**

Early Monday morning, nearly 6 hours after the Marauders found out about the black mail, Severus Snape exited the Sixth Year boys' dormitory and made his way to the Slytherin Common Room.. 

For months now, he would awake almost an hour before everybody else to watch the sunset. With Narcissa. Severus wasn't necessarily a morning person, quiet the opposite, but this chance, to spend time with Narcissa, wasn't something he was willing, was able, to miss.

He closed his eyes and leaned against the Common Room Window, magically created so that it could not be seen from the outside. 

Unlike many, he did not watch the sun for its beauty. And unlike Narcissa, he wasn't there to gawk at its strength and power. Instead, he was in awe of its addictiveness. It was one of the things that humans, magical or not, completely depended on. And not only humans, but every shred of life on this planet.

It was the sound of Narcissa's robes rasping against the stone walls of the dungeon, as she pressed herself against the window, that had actually alerted him of her presence.

In these moments, they never spoke. There by a mutual bond, enjoying each others' company, they said not a word. Only after the sun has risen, do they say 'good morning' and make polite murmurings.

Or as polite as Severus Snape could be that early in the morning. 

As the rays of light sneak across the sky, and a red glow settles on the horizon, Severus imagines what would it be like to reach out, and touch her. Her hands, her face. To feel the texture of her skin, or to see soft gentle strands of blond hair twisting around his fingers. "What would it feel like?" He wonders.

If he was honest with himself, he would admit that he never really came down for the sun, not the literal sun anyway. But for a moment in which he could bask in her beauty. Yet in situations like these, he was rarely honest with himself, so he continued to stare at the horizon, and its rising star.

Narcissa herself, reached over to link her arm through his. Gently threading milk white fingers across his skin. Until she gently rested them against his own. 

He dared not look at their intertwined hands, her left and his right. He dared not think of his thundering heart, or their fragile friendship, and especially the ring on her finger.

Minutes ticked by gently, sands of time shifting, and the sun rose higher. Narcissa slipped her other hand around their intertwined ones and moved to face him.

"Morning Severus" She said. 

"Morning" He managed to mutter. And that's when inspiration struck.

"Nar, could I ask you for a favour?" 

"Sure." She smiled, but it was bittersweet. Nothing had changed in the world, not for the rich or those of noble blood. Marring Lucious was nothing but an order from her family. And it was her duty as eldest daughter to follow and obey. And obey she would.

"You're hosting the pageant, right?" He asked, as clearly as he could manage that early.

She nodded, startled. Severus wasn't fond of pageants, or blond girls dressed in short pink dresses. Not that he had a thing against short dresses, as she could recall.

"Is there a rule about guys entering?" He inquired.

Naricssa's jaw dropped to the ground. Shocked, she let go of his arm suddenly, and pointed an accusing finger in his direction.

"You want to enter?" She demanded, her body shaking with disbelief.

"Of course bloody not!" He cried, outraged.

"Then...then.. what?" She asked. 

"I black mailed Potter and Black into entering." He said, obviously rather proud of himself.

"Oh, God! Now you tell me?" She looked at him, her eyes burning fierce holes into him.

"Can it be done?" He asked.

"I'm not sure do I want it to be done. This might be a good chance for you to embarrass them two. That's probably what you see it as. But its more to me. More. Its my last year, last pageant, I'm not gonna let you ruin it." She stated, hands firmly placed on her hips.

He took one of those hands into his own.

"Nar... those pageants are pointless." He quickly pressed his other hand against her mouth when she started to protest.

"Listen..... just listen.. those pageants are always the same. You said it, its your last year. Let something different happen. This one will go down in history." 

She closed her eyes and considered it... 

"You want more, don't you?" She asked with a sigh.

"And I get to pick one or two of the questions." He stated.

Her eyes shot open, filled with fire and rage again.

"You are making bloody demands here. I don't need to do any of those stuff..." She was cut of, as he replaced his hand over her mouth.

Even though they were rather close, he took the teensiest step forward, his body towering over hers, his eyes penetrating.

"Please Nar?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper, while he moved his hand from her mouth and twisted it through her hair. 

"Oh, ok." She tried to make her self sound casual and nonchalant. Instead her words were nothing but a gentle hiss, a purr.

She brought her left forward to caress his face, but as the cool metal of her gold ring touched his face, he dropped his hands to his sides. 

Took a step back. 

And left her standing by the window, the sunlight flooding the room.

"Thanks Nar.." and that was that.

To be continued!!!

Remember, reviews make us wanna please you, no reviews make us tease you! 

(That was a CLEAN comment you perverted people!!! Not that there is anything wrong with it!! )


	4. Of Weetbix and Antifeminists

Miss (Mr.) Congeniality 

  
Authors: Wolfiegrl and Lily_Potter

Disclaimer: We don't own, don't sue, although we wouldn't mind if J.K. shared James with us…

After thought to disclaimer: Or Sirius, or Remus…we aren't THAT picky…;) 

****

Chapter 4

---

To say that it was a rather long night, would have been an understatement. As the twosome, (now minus Lily, who, although quite interested in the proceedings, was no longer troubled by insomnia;) had stayed up, rethought, replanned, and all together tried to rework the blackmail, but, even for the Marauders, there was no possible loophole. Nothing short of blowing up the Slytherin Common room (Sirius' idea,) was going to allow them to escape the impending doom. 

By seven in the morning, Remus had come down the stairs, stretching as irritatingly as possible, and saying that he had had a wonderful nights sleep. Which, of course, annoyed the extremely grumpy, sleep-deprived Sirius, who promptly put another silencing charm on him. 

James sighed, and was just happy because it was a Saturday, and he wouldn't have to make up a story to tell the Professors about how Remus lost his voice, on top of everything else. 

Amidst now two glaring, now rather grumpy people, James voiced the last hope the Marauders had, that perhaps guys were not allowed to participate in the beauty pageant. Sirius' face broke into a smile, a rather poor copy of his usual grin. Remus on the other hand, pouted severely; he thought that this entire episode was bloody hilarious.

James' hope, Sirius' grin and Remus' pouts disappeared and were promptly quashed once they got to the Gryffindor table. 

An owl flew over to James' seat, dropped a letter on his head, and flew out. 

James opened it slowly, hoping that it contained the greetings he wanted. The offending picture dropped out of the letter, and suppressing a shudder, James handed it to Sirius as he read: 

My Dearest Morons, 

"Snape has never sounded so happy in his life," muttered Sirius darkly. Remus nodded in agreement. 

I am delighted to inform you that you have been accepted into the beauty pageant. I trust you will find the experience most enjoyable. You will remember that there are several different categories in which you will be judged. Among them, sports wear, formal wear, and, of course, the infamous bathing suit competition. I would advise you to begin your shopping immediately. 

"Shopping?!?!" said Sirius in horror, "We have to go shopping?" 

__

I would also remind you that you need to tell your head of house that you are participating. Good luck. 

~S.S.

"I'll kill him," said Sirius solemnly. "I don't need a wand, I'll kill him with my bare hands." 

"Now, now, Sirius," Remus scribbled on the back of the letter, "homicide in Hogwarts is never a good thing…"

"It is when it's Snape," muttered James, a vein in the side of his face nervously twitching. 

They sat in an even more grumpy silence, except for Remus, who started shaking with silent laughter. 

The other two looked curiously at him, and Remus, who stopped laughing and started pouting, scribbled, "You need to tell McGonagall that you're in this…this…" his normally tidy handwriting became quite untidy, as he left off pouting, and tried to hold in laughter, "beauty pageant…" and he completely lost it and promptly began to shake with silent snickers again. 

"McGonagall," said Sirius paling.

"What is she going to say about THIS," said James, going as green as three day old mould. 

Remus began to scribble something again, and the tip of his quill snapped. "Oh bloody…" He stopped short. "It wore off. I can talk again…" 

He began laughing again, until Sirius threatened yet another silencing charm, so he shut up completely. 

"Once you two have stopped arguing," said James. "Sirius, I advise you to take that picture and burn it immediately." 

They all looked at the picture, which was, at the moment, showing Peter splashing in the bubbles, and making his boat and ducks crash into each other. 

Everyone shuddered, and Sirius gave it a quick prod with his wand, watching in contempt as it burst into flames. 

"If, in a month or so, you feel like eating, you'll tell me, won't you?" Said Remus, reaching for a stack of toast. 

"Right," said Sirius, reaching for the marmalade, and stealing a piece of toast, "We can eat…" The marmalade missed the toast and coated Snape's letter, as Sirius' head drooped, and he began to snore. 

"I wonder what's got into him?" Asked Remus to James, before realising that James' head was in his Weetbix cereal. And small milk bubbles rose at his not-so-gentle snoring.

"Just what I always wanted," muttered Remus, "I can finally talk, and I have two dead bodies to listen." 

~**~ 

The group walked with dragging steps to Professor McGonagall's office. 

Remus, after shaking Sirius, and lifting James' head out of the bowl by his hair, pointed out sensibly that if they wanted to see McGonagall, they had better do it right away before Peter woke up, or else he may get suspicious. 

The three had decided that they should seem as though James and Sirius wanted to enter the pageant, for reasons unfathomable. Because if Professor McGonagall got any hint of blackmail, she would not allow them to be in the pageant, and pictures of Peter would plastered on every available wall. 

James, knocked on the door to the office, then walked in without any admittance whatsoever. 

The professor, who was fully dressed and marking papers, looked up. And after catching sight of the two of them, looked back down and continued to mark the papers.

"Professor, how simply corking to see you!" said James, flashing her his trademark grin, as he crashed into a nearby chair. 

"If I may say so, you look absolutely spiffing," said Sirius, imitating James' smile. 

"Potter, Black, what have you done now that you need detention for?" said McGonagall without looking up from the paper she was marking. 

"Nothing, Professor, nothing at all," said James, standing up and taking the paper away. 

"We'll just clear off these bits and bobs before we make you an offer that you can't refuse." Said Sirius, nicking the rest of the papers, before she could object. 

"Boys, please, not now, I haven't even had a cup of tea this morning," pleaded McGonagall in a tired voice, not sounding like her crisp self at all. 

"We should have thought of that…" Said James looking thoughtfully at Sirius, then, 

"Remus! Would you be so kind as to get our favourite Professor a cup of tea from the Great Hall?" Remus popped his head in the doorway. 

"Anything for our favourite professor," he said, grinning as well, before he headed down the hall. 

They sat in absolute silence, as the Professor glared daggers at the two of them, and both Sirius and James too worried to notice.

Finally, when a rather flustered Remus returned with the Professor's tea, and was the first recipient of a smile in a long time. The Professor started sipping slowly at the tea, as Sirius got up to talk.

"Now then," said Sirius, "James and I would like to participate in Hogwarts beauty pageant." 

Professor McGonagall's eyes widened as she almost spit out her tea, then she regained her composure, swallowed, and said quite crisply, "Why?" 

"You don't think we'd win?" said James in a hurt voice, "I was of the opinion that nobody could say no to this face," he smoothed his untidy hair, and put on a puppy dog pout. 

"Quite the contrary," said the professor, looking sternly at him. "But I have the feeling that boys are not allowed in beauty pageants." 

"Oh but they are, Professor," Sirius pressed on, "We have had it all arranged with Narcissa. We are allowed." 

"I do not agree with it. This was a female only event for centuries, it is rather absurd for you boys to want to enter. How like you two, to want to ruin a piece of Hogwarts tradition." She looked at them with distaste in her eyes, "Of all your prakns…" But she was interrupted by James:

"Oh, Professor, please, please, let us do this. Please." Said James, using the puppy dog pout more than ever. 

"I will think about it. I will tell you when the week is out. Now, out of my office, I have papers to mark." 

The left with equally dragging feet, and Sirius only exploded after the door was shut. 

"An antifeminist, that's what she is!" he said savagely. 

"Not believing in beauty pageants, what sort of rubbish is that?" 

"She's not an antifeminist," said Remus, "I agree with her, quite frankly." 

"You fancy her, then." Said Sirius, as if the idea just dawned on him.

"McGonagall? Now you're talking rubbish." 

"Oh, no! It makes perfect sense. All the smiles.. All the 'Professor, Professor, can you help me with my Transfiguration' You fancy her!"

"She is old!" Remus proclaimed.

"Older, not old." Sirius pointed out.

James stared at the two of them, then figured it was time to get some revenge for all the teasing.

"Wasn't it you that said that 'age doesn't matter'?" he asked.

Remus stared at the two of them, completely perplexed. He looked at Sirius' grin, at James' inquiring look, then at the Professor's door. He promptly turned around and walked of.

"At least I'm not in a beauty pageant!" He threw over his shoulder.

"Oh sod off," said Sirius storming down the hall. 

"And that, my friends, is the product of a sleepless night," said James, standing alone, watching as his two friends walked of in different directions. Remus' shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.

TBC

A/N: That was a fun chapter. Not as much fun as the one Wolfiegrl got to write, I'll admit, but, I'll take what I can get. ~Lily 


	5. Of Revenge

Miss (Mr.) Congeniality 

  
Authors: Wolfiegrl and Lily_Potter 

  
Disclaimer: We don't own…don't sue…but we wouldn't mind if JKR shared James with us. ;) 

  
After though to the disclaimer: Or Sirius, or Remus, We aren't **that** picky….

Note from Wolfie Grl: Ok , everyone has probably noticed the lack of anything resembling an update, but I have been oh- so busy and I haven't had any spare time. On top of that, I've been sick six times in the last three months, and had been suffering through one hell of a case of writers block.

There is a remedy though, try getting your heart broken, works like a charm.

Dedication: to certain people, who will never know who they are, and who, hopefully, aren't reading this. 

And to Lily, cause she didn't yell at me for not writing, and was very supportive when I whinged during my lunchtime emailing sessions.

Feedback: take away my pain, post a review. Keep the world clean, eat a pigeon. J 

****

Chapter 5 

It had been sixteen excruciatingly painful hours (for all the Marauders) since their last run in with professor McGonagall. And now, it being rather late in the evening, the situation had not improved.

James was worried, he sat smack-bang in the middle of the common room and snapped at anyone who came within yelling distance. So far, three rather bubbly admiring first year Gryffindor girls had been given detention by the sixteen year old prefect. The power to give detentions was limited to his own house, but had finally came useful to James. 

The girls had run crying to Lily, who had immediately revoked the detentions, but with a price, for the rest of the evening, they were to follow James around and giggle at every and any sight of him.

Remus was leafing through Witch Weekly's sessional catalogues, and was calling out formal-dress suggestions to Sirius, who, for revenge, had given up on silencing charms, and now was writing a rather racy poem to Professor McGonagall _– from Remus, offcourse. _

From his (Sirius') corner of the common room, mumblings such as "skin as soft as the summer breeze" and " I'd show you exactly what you could do with a feather" and finally "hands on" "pressed against" "lips against your …" could be heard. And in several fits of creative momentum, other more meaningful verbs were also cried out, enough so, to make several seventh years cringe and blush, and the HeadGirl to finally order anyone under fifteen out of the room. 

Lily, on the other hand, was contend with her day, and had curled up in an armchair and went promptly to sleep, her books and last minute homework scattered around her. 

Many minutes later, filled with strangled moments of laughter, and Lily's gentle breathing, James, in some part of his mind registered the ludicrousness of this whole situation and decided to go and find Snape and finally resolve everything. 

Beyond rage, he didn't bother with the usual necessities such as the cloak, or the map, and instead, just walked out of the common room. 

Remus, oblivious to who exactly Sirius was writing the letter to, decided that James could take care of himself, and went upstairs and straight to bed. 

And Sirius - he finally signed the letter with a flourish, performed a quick copying charm, and then with one copy of the letter held carefully in his hands, went in search of an owl. 

* * * 

James, on the other hand, was not having such a peaceful evening. After leaving the common room, he had been intercepted by the giggling girl trio. The three girls, after getting kicked out of the common room, ( due to necessary Sirius-proof censorship, and were unable to return to the common room due to the run away portrait of the Pink Lady being far away,) had waited for him outside. 

He did not find Snape, instead, he got caught by Filch because of the three giggling girls that had (on Lily's orders) continued to follow him. 

On top of that, he was taken straight to the Headmasters' office where Filch accused him of "tricking these girls into sneaking outside so he could take advantage of their innocence."

Despite Filch so called psychological evidence, and James' record (and his tendency to get caught while making out with some girl), Dumbledore dismissed the entire claim immediately, that is - after a heartily explanation from the girl's, and one amused look at James' shocked and disgusted face.

For the billionth time, James made the trek from Dumbledore's office to the common room. And again, he was fuming. 

Aware of the three girls who walked (subdued) behind him, he made every cell in his body reflective his rage.

They had, rather hurriedly, explained to him that it was all a joke, and had accidentally, let Lily's name slip. 

In James' mind a plan was forming on its own accord. Yelling at her would not be enough. No, he needed oh-so-sweet revenge. Embarrassment, it was always the key. 

The though that he would ever even think of such a disgusting idea made his skin crawl. His face flushed, somewhere between hurt (why would anyone think I could do such a thing?), embarrassment (I. Professor. no! I..), and anger (How dare they accuse me?).

No. No. Lily was going to pay. He just needed an idea. 

As he went past the main entrance, James glanced at the notice board floating in the air. The sight of the pink pageant flayer caught his eyes. 

He smiled. 

Revenge would be sweet.

* * *

Lily had awoken to find an angry face looking down at her. She cried out and instantly shrank back into the armchair. 

The person leaned down closer, placed both his hands by her sides, and was completely towering over her. 

He, for it was a he, blocked almost all sources of light, and it was the sight of his messy, spiky hair, illuminated by the firelight, that had finally given him away. 

"James… what are you doing?" Lily managed to ask. From her position, he seemed so tall, and huge, and angry. 

He smirked. From his right pocked he produced a pair of white panties. 

"Yours, I presume?" he asked. 

Lily stared up at him, green eyes huge in shock. What was he? Her underwear? How dare he? But, it was James - never, he would never? Oh God.

"James!" She yelled, and snatched the offending garment from his hand. 

"Guess what Lily? You like games. Like little funny games where you make girls follow people around. Like to see those people accused of things they would NEVER do? Huh? You like to see people get ridiculed? Think this stupid pageant wasn't enough for me? You wanted to do more?"

His voice was dangerously low, and deliberately slow. His breathing was even, and she could feel his breath brush against her forehead. 

"Think I haven't been through enough lately? Wanted a couple of laughs? Well, why not? Doesn't everyone? How about we change the pace though? Ok, here is the plan Lily. You are going to be entering this pageant right next to Sirius and me. And you know what else," 

Slowly, he paused, picking her undies from her hand and dangled them in her face. His strange grin spread even further, " and baby, if you don't, a pair of those will be awarded to the highest bidder, and another pair, enlarged and risen on the main entrance flag pole."

He then, suddenly, moved away from her and with loud footsteps, walked up to his dorm room. 

Lily stood still, frozen. 

James and her got along fairly well. Why would he want to do something like that? Why would he want to hurt her so much? What did he mean by "games"? 

Slowly, tears willed up in her eyes. And staring into the firelight, she sat in her armchair, crying.

And when morning came, nothing would ever be the same.

****

TBC

Wolife apologises for the desturbingess.. For the bad bad writingess. Wolfe girl is just very very upset lately, and very very sad. 

Sorry. Very very sorry.


End file.
